Saturday, May 17, 2008

BIKINI FINALE #5 Paula Chase Hyman

When I found out Gerb had written a book called Death By Bikini I was certain it was an unauthorized biography of me. See, back in the day I was quite a…how they used to say, “looker.” I had killer curves and a flat tummy. Bikini’s were my friend. But they haven’t been in many years, thanks in large part to child birth, the dreaded 9 to 5, and after birth, better known as spending way more time running my kids around then actually running for my health. These days, swim suit shopping very well could result in me dying of mortification – as they continue to get skimpier while my body doesn’t.
So yeah, Death By Bikini could so be my life story.
Then I realized, ohhhhh DBB is a YA mystery suspense novel. Okay, probably way more interesting than an unauthorized bio about me. Bottom line, only a few of us actually look forward to swim suit shopping. And despite my recent success with the battle of the bulge, I made peace with my swim suit body long ago and have worn bikinis through the good and bad changes of my bod.
So in honor of the man-made apparel that can send grown women weeping out of the store at a loss, I present to you:
How to make a bikini your friend (no matter what size you are):
Become a Bikini Artist – Art is so subjective anyway. Why not start a new career as an artist who works strictly with bikini’s? Frame them, soak them in paint and slap them against a canvass to see what patterns they make, fit them on oversized bouncy balls and call it “Ode to a real woman’s body,” attempt to fit them on a six inch wide, six foot tall board and title it “super model,” cut them into shreds and make a bikini mosaic of the Mona Lisa. Whatever you do, it’ll likely gain you more positive attention then you’ve received for your bikinis in years.
Start a new trend – Mix and match swim suits have been the rage for a few years now. Who says the mixing and matching only have to apply to colors and patterns? Mix and match bikini tops and bottoms with other pieces of clothing in your closet…even the out-of-season stuff. Wear a bikini top, jeans, a scarf and Uggs, or a turtle neck, bikini bottoms and clogs, better yet wear a bikini top over a scoop neck long sleeved shirt with a skirt. Warning, these combinations may yield strange looks…but then again so may showing up in the bikini as it’s meant to be worn on the beach.
Fuhgeddabowid – No matter your size, strap that baby on and hit the beach. Bikinis are made primarily to wear to a beach or at a pool (if you’re wearing them elsewhere, clearly you’ve already got the jump on #2), two places where the whole point is to let the tranquility of the water and/or waves lull away your worries. Who cares what you look like? The sun feels great, the ocean’s whispering in your ear, and you’re as close to nekkid as you’re legally allowed to be. What’s better than that?
For a chance to win a copy of, That’s What’s Up! the third book in my Del Rio Bay series, leave a comment below to suggest other ways to make bikinis your friend or to show your support for the “I’ll wear what I want at the beach” revolution.